The Question

We met our new best friend Anand Reddi at Johnie Fox's Pub on a wild and crazy monday night. Anand is a Fullbright Scholar with a well crafted sense of humor and even better crafted teeth (seriously, they are hugeand blindingly white. He and Kylie admire each other's teeth most times that they meet. I am excluded from such pleasantries as my parents never got me braces). Johnnie Fox's is a bar just down the street from us, so Kylie and I walked and met Anand outside.

We had one of those nights that began with "Allright, lets just go out for 2 beers." It was afterall, Monday and we all had work the next day. However, simply saying these words somehow ensures that you will be out late, and inebriated by night's end.

So by beer 4 or 5, we had thoroughly discussed how beautiful Kylie and Anand's teeth were, and needed a new topic. We somehow got on to the topic of Paul Farmer, which morphed the conversation into a favorite among today's overly-educated agnostic: how should one live their life? This is obviously a gross oversimplification on a much more complicated issue, so let me explain.

This question really takes significance among people that are just out of college or deciding their career choice for the first time. We start asking questions like how much money should I make? What should I do with my career? my spare time? This question becomes crucial when we start to consider marriage and settling down. And we all fear not having any answere be the time our as of yet unborn children start to ask why its wrong to steal.

The question has a lot of significance for me as I start to pick my medical career. I am lucky to have a wide range of choices in front of me. I will relate two extremes. I could spend my life treating the poor, the sick, those with HIV in developing countries. Kind of the mother Teresa route. I would spend my life trying my hardest to make a real difference in the lives of the neglected and impoverished. I would likely live in a rural community, running a primary care clinic for those who would otherwise have no medical care. My community would love me and part of me would be truly fulfilled. However, with this option ubdoubtedly also comes a harder life. A life living in poor, dangerous places. A life with a very low income. I would be separated from my friends and family in America. If I could convince a woman to join me in this envutre, our kids would grow up essentially in the 3rd world. Their education and social development might suffer. And suprisingly, a this career choice would would demand very little respect in the medical field as I would be a lowly family practice doctor in a poor community, somewhere in some place no one has heard of.

Or, I could take a different route. I could settle down in a huge mansion on Lake Travis in the beloved city of Austin, Texas. I could be an orthopedic surgeon with a booming private practice. My patients would all be wealthy lawyers who needed their hips replaced and would talk about my surgical prowess with their families at the dinner table. I know this because my dad had recently had his hips replaced, and is a lawyer, and still talks about how great his orthopedic surgeon is. I would be loaded. I would have a boat and 4 jet skiis. My children would grow up on a dock, would be strong swimmers with blonded hair. They would be well adjusted and have stable friends from childhood in their hometowns. They would attend private schools and ivy league colleges. I would be well respected among my medical peers and people would be envious of the wonderful life of Dr. Wiseman.

Which one is right? Which one is ethical? Its hard to criticize either one. But in my eyes, they are radically different. The life on Lake Travis would neglect an entire population of people that suffer and die everyday. Yet, I would sacrifice so much of my life to take the more honorable route. I can argue myself in circles about this, and typically do. But it really boils down to this: how do you determine what is right? No answer seems to be correct. Just following your heart seems to say that anyone can just do what they feel. One could argue that Hitlar followed his heart as he organized the slaughter of thousands of Jews. Religon doesnt really give you a good answer, no where in the Bible, the Koran, etc, does it say how to resolve these issues.

So I am rambling on and on, and could talk and write for hours about this. But this drunken conversation with Anand and Kylie awakened a conflict within me that I had been neglecting during my time here in Africa. Its a conflict I will have to resolve to some extent in the next year or two as I decide my medical specialty. I invite anyone's comments. But really, I just wanted to share what has gone on in the back of my mind for sometime.